I used to think there was a word suitable for
Every state or feeling until that morning.
That morning I couldn’t help but wonder
What the unknown outcome would be.
I did not feel good and that feeling refused to fade away.
It rapidly became worse. I tried to put the feeling to words
But there was not a word suitable enough for it.
I was sad and angry, sore, broken, torn apart.
It was a mixture of pain, regret and distress.
At one moment it felt like going down a long dark tunnel.
The dreadful feeling did not forget to come
With a striking chill up and down my spine.
What made it worse was that it felt like there was
Nothing I could do change the state of things.
I was in great misery and despair.
I have never felt that disappointed in myself.
I felt slimy drops of guilt drop on me.
The sharp and pointed claws of failure feasted on me.
I have been in several tight and annoying situations
But it was the first time I felt completely stuck.
Even when I mustered a bit of courage and determination
The fear and insecurity had me tightly glued
With my face to the ground.
The shame I felt was unwavering.
It was like being stripped bare in public.
Let me say a little worse because this stripping
Didn’t only rip off my clothes, it pierced my soul.
I was left with a negative dignity; yea way less than zero.
My soul had always embraced solitude
But then it was left unclothed, not concealed, bare.
That was too extreme to take in.
My frustration knew no bounds.
I was desperate for a gate, door or window.
All I wanted was some kind of exit.
I could see one or so I thought
Because down, round and down
I went again in the still dark unending tunnel.
For a second I thought I was almost out
But the next second proved I wasn’t.
It was like missing a flight that comes once a year.
It was deeper than depression
And neatly spiced with confusion.
It felt like falling down a deep bottomless pit.
I was enveloped in the creepy darkness
And consumed by an awful loud silence.
I was overwhelmed by anxiety, fear, tension and suspense.
Uncertainty wrapped its cold arms around me and
The emptiness I felt was of great depth.
I couldn’t understand the state of things.
Almost everything went far off than planned.
It was like standing in front of a mirror which
Clearly showed a contrast of my reflection.
I tried to convince myself that it was just a nightmare
But I knew a dream shouldn’t last that long.
If the feeling was a smell it would be that
Of rotten eggs and expired cheese balls.
It was painful and disgusting.
Unexpectedly, just when I had completely lost hope
I saw myself at the end of the tunnel.
I saw the ray of sunlight beaming
On the brown rusty metal nearby.
I was yet to believe it. I was in shock and pacing around
In a bid to convince myself it was reality.
With my knees against the ground and my hands in the air
I gave thanks to God for His timely rescue.
I began to enjoy the morning sensation.
The mild fragrance of freesia filled the air
And I felt the warmth of sunlight.
Then and only then did I feel an inner peace.
I finally realized that light is a true treasure.
I never thought my journey down
The long dark tunnel would turn out well.

Through the long dark tunnel

Through the long dark tunnel


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