HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES ME NOT. ..

HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES ME NOT. ..

Love isn’t always bubbly and accompanied
With chocolates, cute roses and jasmine petals
As the movies make us believe it is
Love isn’t always at first sight, at least mine wasn’t
I met him at a Christian love feast
The first time he talked about the ‘love thingy’
I was like; “No way, C’mon I barely know you!”
I said ‘no’ with complete certainty
I got to know him a bit, then I was like
“Uhn. .. nah we are just friends”
Actually, we became really good friends
The friendship we shared was rare
He was happy we were friends but wanted more
Way more than friendship
When I knew him better
I was like; “I just take you as a brother”
Even if he said I would make a good sister
He said he knew we were meant to be together
I wondered why there was zero chemistry
He said we just needed to spend time together
For me to realize we would fit even better than ‘bread and butter’
We spent very little time together
Most of which we were in the company of others
He seemed to be stuck to his love theory
He used the ‘I love you’ line way too frequently
In no time my ears mastered not just the words
But also the pitch and tone he used to say them.
My heart was used to the love shown to my family and friends
The definition of the ‘boy-girl’ love was yet to sink in
Was I to go with the flow without a deep understanding
Or to push it right through without care?
Was I even inclined for it? Was I ready or not?
I hated the effects of the draining soliloquizing
My head seem to pound from the vigorous dilemma
Causing striking wavers between options and choices
We are often told to follow our hearts
But I didn’t want to leave out my head in the process
I needed some kinda head-on-heart balance
Mmnn… He loves me. He loves me not. ..
Was it a play for something he wanted and if so
What did he want and why did he want it?
Was it what I wanted? Did I even want it at all?
I had a thousand and one questions unanswered
With time I started to get answers to
My endless pressing questions
I had an unblemished impression of him
I saw him as a good looking Christian
Who had ethics and values similar to mine
Wasn’t that good enough for me?
Time proved he was nice, kind, loving and caring
Or was it an assumption I forced on time?
Did he love me as much as he said he did?
If he did could he prove it?
What if he could?
What if his proof was just with the intent of proving a point?
A point he would prove with any girl cut in his snare
Was he as innocent as his words
Or did he embrace the mask of naivety to send the point across?
Across his wavy strings of lingering love
Or whatever it really was
He might have flushed away an iota of loneliness
But why then did I feel like I was standing alone?
Was I blinded by the soft spot I had developed for him
Or was it the thought of our passionate first kiss?
The melt with the softness of his lips
Or the fact that it made my heart skip a beat?
Could he dance to the rhythm of love?
First, could he even hear the beat?
I finally gave the answer he wanted
But I didn’t give it just for him
It was something I wanted to try out
I felt being together was a risk worth taking
And it just might create a love story worth sharing
The fondness flourished and the bond began to form
I was overwhelmed and deeply in love
With my new found love
In fact, I thought our love was too good to be true
How long did that thought last?
I can say not long enough
I didn’t understand the emotional attachment
It didn’t seem like an illusion or so I believe
Was it the start of ecstacy, wonder and magic
Or the early steps of perilous sparks?
Was it just some fantasy or actually reality?
We had spent way too much time apart
Were our hearts getting fonder or just drawing a border?
I thought of him more often than not
How was he? Had he eaten? Was he happy?
What was he doing? Was he thinking of me?
Mnnn… What if he was? What if he wasn’t?
What if he was deep in the bosom of another?
Did he ever think of me?
Well, going by his words that will be; ‘yes’
He said he thought of me countless times everyday
But if so why did he stop texting me?
C’mon I guess I had to cut the guy some slack
He must have been pretty busy
But why doesn’t he call any more?
I have one major question
Wouldn’t a man put in work for the woman he really loves?
I believe I was not dating my thoughts
Or a ghost character that was yet to fit his role
What did I put myself into just with a word
YES- a three letter word at that
Is this just us facing the ‘downs’ of our relationship
And all I was doing was tearing it apart with my thoughts
Instead of pulling through as I ought to?
Or is it actually what my mind is telling me it is?
What did we fall into; ‘true’ love or some big o’l sea?
I had lots of questions and I still do
Do we have the right ship to take us through
Or will this even cost us our friendship?
Mmn. .. He loves me. He loves me not. ..
BY: BRIDGET E. UKENI
ANALYSIS:
  • The above poem is based on the kind of thoughts that linger in the minds of some people in relationships. It goes through the journey of how two people met and it questions the love they share.
  • The bottom line is that we ought to enter a relationship for the right reasons and choose to define our relationships from the get-go. 
  • The fact that someone is Christian does not automatically determine the person is right for you. It isn’t only about getting a right partner but being right for that ‘right’ partner. 
  • True love is a rare treasure. Hence, when we find it we have to nurture and care for it lest it withers and dies. It means we ought not to let go of it except for the right reasons.
  • Wait a second. .. Having a right reason to call it quits means something was wrong.
  • Is ‘true’ love meant to be completely ‘right’?
  • What do you think? Feel free to leave a comment below.